How Zero Ruined Christmas
by TTY7
Summary: It was December 23rd on the Imperial Calender of Britannia. On this day, the exiled prince, Lelouch Vi Britannia came up with a diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent, condescending, wicked, vindictive, and expertly crafted plan...or so he thought.
1. The diabolical, horrible, awful, evil,

A/N: Okay this random idea flew into my head just now and I had to write it. So I hope you'll enjoy it.

Note: This is set before the Black Rebellion. So no one except C.C. knows of Lelouch's identity yet. Anyway, onto the story.

Disclaimer: Code Geass is not mine.

_How Zero Ruined Christmas_

It was December 23rd on the Imperial Calendar of Britannia. The civilians of all Areas, including the recently rebellious civilians of Area 11, were all preparing for a festive and commercial holiday that was meant to bring joy into the hearts of children as well as normal and depressed bi-polar people. Yes, you all know what I'm talking about. We're speaking of the wonderful holiday known as Christmas.

In the Tokyo Settlement of Area 11 and within the prestigious Ashford Private Academy's student council room sat a devious, cold-hearted, genius. Within his hand he held the black king piece. His violet eyes inspected the chess piece with vague interest portrayed on his ever handsome face. His raven locks nearly covered his line of sight, which he noted to be the sign that he needed to get it trimmed soon.

However, in his mind, the man was calculating a diabolical plan. It was so diabolical in fact, that an evil grin started to work its way onto his face. It's a good thing he's alone in the room, otherwise he'd be getting some strange looks from his friends on the council.

"_Yes, yes_," he thought maniacally, twirling the king piece between his index and middle fingers. With exuberance he set the piece back on the chess board in front of him and rose from his chair. He collected the paperwork he'd finished a couple of minutes before and shoved them into his notebook as he boldly pranced toward the automatic doors.

"_It's so perfect. How is it that I never thought about it before_?"

The automated doors opened and the young man walked down the hall. He came to a stop as he reached another set of automated doors. He put on a more innocent smile and then walked ahead. The doors opened, immediately revealing a young girl sitting in a wheelchair.

"Hello Nunnally," he said as he entered. The young girl turned her head towards him. She was blind, but she smiled.

"Hi big brother," Nunnally replied. "How did your date with Shirley go?"

The young man sighed in mock sadness. "She stood me up again I'm afraid."

Nunnally looked at him quizzically. "Again?"

"Again," he answered, removing the jacket of his school uniform. "I ended up running into Milly though. She gave me some paperwork to do."

"What about Suzaku?"

"Right now he's still at the government bureau."

"Oh, well do you think he'll come for Christmas?"

"Of course Nunnally."

Nunnally smiled, and turned her attention back toward the T.V. She couldn't see what was on, but she knew what she was watching. The old animated classic, _How the Grinch Stole Christmas._

"By the way, where's Sayoko?"

"She's at the market," Nunnally replied. "Hey, do you want to finish this movie with me."

"Sure."

And so the young man sits on the couch. Nunnally stays within her chair. The two of them laugh, talk, and act like any brother and sister would in such a peaceful moment. After the movie ends, he takes the young blind girl upstairs and tucks her in for the night, for tomorrow was Christmas Eve.

"_Hahahahahahaha, wuhahahaha, gahahahaha,_" were the evil laughs that echoed within his sadistic little mind as he exited Nunnally's room. He walked across the hall and into his own room to find the green-haired, golden eyed witch laying on his bed, wearing that same white jumpsuit she always wore.

"Good evening Lelouch," she greeted nonchalantly. "How was your romantic evening with Shirley?"

Lelouch Vi Britannia smiled so widely at her that the immortal woman didn't know what to make of it at first. She recovered quickly though and gave him her signature teasing smirk. "Well, easy to say that you had fun. Did you behave yourself?"

Lelouch sat on the edge of the bed . "Oh, I never behave C.C."

C.C. raised an eyebrow. "She stood you up again didn't she?"

"Yes, and I can never figure out why since she's always the one making these dates with me, but who cares about that anyway!" Lelouch sang out. C.C. was a bit nervous at this point.

"Lelouch?" she questioned. "Is something the matter? You're a bit out of character."

"Oh, quite the contrary C.C.," Lelouch replied as he began to dance around the room in a way that was just plain disturbing. He laughed on and on like something hilarious had just occurred.

C.C. raised her eyebrow higher. "Is it possible that you're drunk Lelouch?"

Lelouch shook his head. "If by drunk you mean ecstatic then yes, I am completely intoxicated with happiness right now."

"_Did he take some refrain or something?_" C.C. wondered, tapping her index finger against her chin. "_He's acting very strange tonight._"

"You see, C.C.," Lelouch began, ceasing his disturbing dance across the room, "I've come up with a plan to completely annihilate Britannia and discover the secret behind my mother's murder in one night."

"Really?" C.C. asked. "_He must be drugged out on something._"

Lelouch's expression changed instantly. Instead of wearing a maniacal smile, he now wore a deadly smirk that immediately alerted C.C. that he was serious and sober. For a short moment, C.C. was disappointed.

"I have a plan C.C.," Lelouch continued. "A diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent, condescending, wicked, vindictive, and expertly crafted plan."

"That was a mouthful," C.C. blurted out. "So what is this so-called plan of yours?"

Lelouch sat back down on the bed. "It's like this C.C.. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve."

C.C. narrowed her gaze. "You want to steal Christmas or something? I think the Grinch beat you to that."

"No," Lelouch replied, his expression changing from a smirk to a scowl in an instant. "I'd never plan anything stupid like that. However…"

"Let me guess, you want to steal Santa Claus," C.C. interrupted, a smirk of her own now plastered on her face. "Now, I know you didn't grow up normally so listen boy. Santa Claus…"

"C.C.!"

C.C. stopped talking, but not without haughtily crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"As I was saying," Lelouch continued, "I have a plan."

"We've established that much Lelouch," C.C. stated, clearly bored with him. "Get to the point."

"Hush witch!"

C.C. quieted, but her smirk had widened considerably.

"Here's the plan. Tomorrow it is Christmas Eve. Because of this, the Britannian military will be weakened since most soldiers that aren't in battle get to go home for Christmas. They are dispatched Christmas Eve which means we have a gateway of opportunity. The same goes for all Areas, so that means that the Black Knights will have an opportunity to strike the government bureau down as well as capture Cornelia once and for all. No one expects an attack on Christmas."

"That's because no one attacks on Christmas Lelouch," C.C. muttered, shaking her head at the insanity. "Christmas is signified as a day of peace on Earth. You can't go around defying that. You'll ruin Christmas forever!"

Lelouch scoffed. "Please, that's just nonsense…"

"Nonsense nothing! This is a horrible idea."

Lelouch just rolled his eyes and retrieved his phone from out of his pants pocket. "Doesn't matter what you think witch. I'm executing this plan anyway. And once I've taken over the government bureau, the Black Knights will have gained more support from the people and the surrounding areas. With that kind of power, I can send out scores of soldiers to destroy Britannia."

C.C. simply shrugged. "Fine, if you're bent on ruining Christmas forever, don't let me stop you."

"I won't," Lelouch replied, dialing Ohgi's number and pressing the phone to his ear. He smiled when he heard the voice of his deputy commander.

"Zero?" the man asked groggily. "What's going on?"

"Emergency meeting in one hour at HQ"

"But sir, it's eleven o'clock at night," Ohgi argued. "That means we'll have to meet at midnight. Dude, we need our sleep."

"I don't pay you to sleep," Lelouch replied.

There was silence on the other end. "Uh…no offense, but you don't pay us at all. We're a terrorist group so we don't exactly get legal paychecks and all…"

"We're knights for justice darn it! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR SKULL!"

There was silence on the other end for another moment. "Okay."

Lelouch slammed his phone shut and raced into his closet. He rushed back out with a black trash bag that held his Zero get-up within.

"Let us be off C.C.!" He departed from the room then.

As the automated doors closed, C.C. rose from out of bed. She took her time putting on her white boots while wondering just what substance had made Lelouch go crazy.

"_I bet he's on crack_," she thought with certainty. "_Yep, probably crack. Ugh, that idiot. Doesn't he know that crack is whack? I swear, people never listen to catchy slogans anymore._"

With a huff, C.C. pranced to the automated doors and left Lelouch's bedroom behind her.

* * *

><p>With Black Knight HQ<p>

Main Office

1:54 a.m.

A loud yawn escaped from a single red-headed teen as she walked down the hall. She didn't bother putting on her Black Knight uniform, so as of now she was dressed in comfy flannel pajamas. Sure, the text she got from Zero stated that being in full uniform was mandatory, but despite this fact, this young woman decided that she didn't care. She could fight in pajamas as well as in uniform. All she needed was the Guren.

She entered the main office and another yawn escaped her. Glancing around, she saw that the other members of the Black Knights were in their pajamas as well. In fact, the only people not wearing comfy nightwear were Zero and C.C.

"Kallen!" Zero proclaimed, his voice loud and demanding. "You're late!"

Kallen yawned again. "I am not. I came right on time."

"Really!" Zero roared, pointing his index finger at her in accusation or rather he was pointing at the digital clock on the wall behind her. "It's almost two in the morning!"

Kallen shrugged and sat down at the table. "Sorry."

At the table sat the key members of the Black Knights. Tohdoh, Ohgi, Diethard, Rakshata, Tamaki, (unfortunately), Chiba, Senba, Asahina, Urabe, Inoue, Sugiyama, Yokshita, and lastly Kallen.

"Now that everyone is here," Zero began, "I want to tell you of my diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent, condescending, wicked, vindictive, and expertly crafted plan."

"That's a mouthful," Tohdoh muttered incoherently.

"Shut up!" Zero commanded. "Until you give me some miracles, I don't want to hear a word out of you."

Tohdoh pouted. "Fine."

"Anyway," Zero continued, his mask concealing the death glare he sent toward Tohdoh. "We're initiating an attack on the government bureau in wait a minute…"

There was silence for a full minute.

"…in exactly ten hours from now."

Rakshata groaned. "That's not going to work for me. I'm buying gifts for my knightmare children tomorrow. If I don't it'll be too late, they'll think Santa has forgotten about them."

From behind the Zero mask, Lelouch's expression mirrored one of sheer confusion.

"Okay," Zero drawled out. "Let's pretend we didn't hear that. Anyway, we're attacking the government bureau tomorrow, no ifs ands buts or maybes about it.

"What about…"

"No whats either." Zero quickly stated.

Tamaki laid his head down on the table. "Darn it."

"How about…"

"No hows Sugiyama."

"Why?"

"No whys Inoue!"

"What about who, when, and where?"

Zero cast his unseen glare at C.C. "I already said no whats!"

More questions were thrown at Zero, but the masked man turned every question down with a "no", "not gonna happen", and "if you don't do what I say there will never be a Black Knight Christmas Party again."

And so, two hours of arguments and complaints later, it's time to prepare for the attack that would begin in eight hours.

"Rakshata! Load up the Guren!" Zero ordered. He and Rakshata now stood within the knightmare hangar.

Rakshata shook her head. "No, no. I won't do it. It won't change anything."

"WHY IS IT THAT YOU PEOPLE CAN'T DO WHAT I SAY? JUST DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!"

* * *

><p>AN: I think I'll make this multiple chapters. Somewhat of a drabble, but I think you guys will enjoy it. After all, it is a Christmas fic. Yes, I know Christmas is about two months away from now, but I just couldn't help it. I had to write this and post it. So if you like it review it.


	2. malevolent, condescending,

A/N: All I can say is that I hope you all enjoy the chapter.

Disclaimer: Eh, why bother with something like that.

Chapter 2

Meanwhile

At the Government Bureau

Cornelia Li Britannia was known as a goddess of victory. She was a woman that was not to be trifled with on any occasion. Most times, Cornelia was an emotionless warrior that took no nonsense whatsoever. She commanded her officers with ferocity and elegance as well as unfathomable power. Even in the fiercest of battles, Cornelia showed and felt no fear. Her motto was to laugh at the face of danger.

But at that very moment, at the ungodly hour of four in the morning, Cornelia's violet eyes were wide with fright. Yes, the woman who never showed fear in the face of guns being pointed at her, or mudslides raging through her forces, or even when her sister was trapped in the hotel at Lake Kawaguchi, was officially terrified at that moment.

"_This just can't be_," she thought to her distress as she approached the door to her little sister's room wearing a long pale blue nightgown and a white terrycloth robe. From under the door she could see that the light of a lamp was on and she could hear muffled sounds of unmistakable pleasure.

"Guilford," Cornelia whispered, reaching behind her and tugging on her knight's red flannel pajama shirt. "He's in there with Euphie! We have to do something before…"

"Princess, not to be rude," Guilford cut in, removing his glasses from his eyes so he could rub them profusely of the sand the sand man had left behind, "but don't you think you are overreacting a bit…"

"Oh! Suzaku!"

Cornelia glared at her knight. "Dang it Guilford, it's too late. He's taken advantage of my sister!"

"Keep your voice down princess," Guilford ordered, pressing his hand against her mouth. "I want to hear this…"

"Guilford!"

The sounds ceased for a moment. "Did you hear that Suzaku?"

"Nope, I didn't hear anything."

There was silence for a moment and then Cornelia heard Euphie groan again. The poor woman blushed a shade of burgundy.

"Guilford, we need to put an end to this," she whispered frantically.

Guilford's ear was pressed up against the door. "Just hang on."

"Are you disobeying me Guilford?"

"Just listen."

Cornelia pressed her ear against the door again. The first voice she heard was Suzaku's.

"Euphie, this is really fun."

"Mmmm, who would've thought we would have done something like this." She giggled. "I feel so naughty."

"Well, everyone bends the rules every once in a while."

Cornelia's face flushed to an even darker shade of burgundy. "Guilford, I can't take this anymore. I won't let him continue to corrupt my sister!"

"Princess..."

And with a great resounding cry, Cornelia pushed Guilford out of the way and kicked down the door. The two teens screamed in terror as it fell and screamed even louder when they saw Cornelia standing there. Hurriedly they tried to clean up the evidence of what they'd done.

But there was no need, for after two seconds, Cornelia started laughing hysterically at the sight before her. She couldn't believe she'd let her mind take her so far down the gutter. She really should have known better. I mean…this is Euphemia and Suzaku we're talking about.

Euphemia and Suzaku had only been laying on the floor by the fireplace in the room, sharing a massive plate of chocolate chip cookies with two glasses of milk next to them.

Guilford entered the room as Cornelia continued to laugh at herself. He looked at the two teens and sighed. "What a rip off."

Suzaku got up from the floor and bowed before the two of them. "I'm sorry. I'd just gone to the kitchen to get a snack and then Princess Euphemia showed up wanting help baking some cookies for Christmas, but after we finished making three dozen cookies we got hungry so…"

"We've eaten nearly all of them," Euphie finished, patting out the wrinkles in her violet nightgown. "I'm sorry sister."

"I'll take any punishment you dish out," Suzaku added, bowing his head in shame.

Cornelia smiled as she finally ceased laughing at herself. She took a good look at the boy, noting that he was wearing his school uniform except for the absence of his jacket. And the look on his face was entirely too innocent. For the first time, Cornelia actually thought the young lad was kind of sweet despite the fact he was a lowly number.

"Did you say any punishment Kururugi?" she asked, her tone of voice shifting to seriousness even though a devilish scheme had worked itself into her mind.

Suzaku nodded. "Yes Viceroy, any punishment."

* * *

><p>A few hours later<p>

In the A.S.E.E.C. HQ

It was about ten in the morning and the government bureau was bustling with activity despite that it was a holiday. Of course, the only reason why it was bustling with so much activity was because of the annual Christmas Eve party that the bureau held every year. It was a gala event, filled with all assortments of food and decorations everywhere to celebrate peace even though recent times guaranteed anything but. Of course, everyone takes a break on Christmas, even malevolent terrorists.

But back to the main plot, Suzaku was now receiving his punishment.

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Suzaku wanted to cry in total embarrassment of what he was going through at that exact moment.

"Lloyd, stop that!" Cecile commanded, vainly hiding her own giggles. "It isn't nice to laugh at him like that. He's just dressed up in a Santa suit."

Lloyd only laughed harder. "Oh no, I don't think Santa could survive in the North Pole with a skirt that short."

"_This is worse than when Milly made us participate in that cross dressers festival_," Suzaku thought sadly as he stared down at himself in evident shame. He probably wouldn't have felt as bad had it not been for the fact that he was being forced to go to the party dressed like Santa's little 'helper'. Of course, what really made this horrible was the fact that Euphie was going to see him like this, make-up and all.

In all honesty, Suzaku thought that Princess Cornelia was crossing the line.

* * *

><p>Black Knight HQ<p>

Inside Communications

10:30 a.m.

"Rakshata, I thought I told you to recharge the Guren!"

Rakshata took a drag from her pipe before letting out a long sigh of sadness. "Zero, the Guren isn't going to operate for you today whether I recharge it or not, so why should I even bother?"

Lelouch's glare underneath the Zero mask was one of livid fury as he spoke. "Because," he drawled out, "I am your commanding officer and I have commanded you to recharge that Guren!"

Rakshata just rolled her eyes. "Zero, you don't have the intellect to understand how delicate my knightmare children are. If I don't get those gifts…"

"The intellect!" Zero interrupted, his arms flaying out from under his cape in a comical manner. "What gives you the audacity to question my intelligence! I am the C.E.O. of this corporation as well as the founder! I am the entrepreneur or entrepreneurs! I AM ZERO!

"That has nothing to do with my knightmare children," Rakshata pointed out, sticking her pipe back into her mouth as she sat down on the couch. "The Guren is very stubborn just as you and its pilot are stubborn. The second it doesn't get what it wants…"

"STOP PERSONIFYING MACHINES!"

Rakshata could do little more than shake her head in shame. "I'm not recharging the Guren nor am I repairing any other knightmare for you until I am allowed to go shopping for them."

Lelouch's eye twitched from underneath his mask. "Doing that will put our whole operation behind. Do you not understand the window of opportunity we have here…"

"Honestly I think all of this is a stupid plan."

Lelouch paused mid-sentence, unable to fathom how anyone in the Black Knights could blatantly question him and call him stupid all in the same sentence. He was so stunned that he left the communications office without another word and retreated back to his quarters on the other side of the base.

Or at least he would have had it not been for what happened the second he walked out of the room.

"ZERO! BUDDY!"

Lelouch stopped dead in his tracks. From behind the Zero mask, his expression soured considerably as the blabbering idiot, only known as Tamaki, ran drunkenly down the hall toward him. It was bad enough that Rakshata wouldn't work and that half of the Black Knights were complaining left and right about working on Christmas Eve, but dealing with this drunk…**abomination**…might just snap the already insanely tense exiled prince into a deranged state of no return.

"Hey man," Tamaki slurred, throwing his arm around Lelouch's shoulders. In his other hand he held a carton of egg nog…the kind that was obviously alcoholic since Lelouch could smell the blasted substance on Tamaki's foul breath. "Listen Zero, when am I gonna get that promotion I've been askin' about?"

"_How about never_," Lelouch thought, shaking Tamaki off of him. "Eventually Tamaki. Maybe once we takeover the government bureau." Lelouch laughed inwardly. "_Like I'd ever be idiotic enough to do that. It'd be the equivalent of asking Euphie to kill all the Japanese when I know she couldn't hurt a pesky fly without feeling bad about it._"

Um…should I tell him what happens a couple of episodes from now?

In any case, Lelouch was ready to be rid of the annoyance that was still drunkenly babbling on and on about the Black Knights, Kallen, and some nonsense about how C.C. was pregnant…

Wait…drunk idiot say what now?

"Congrats papa Zero, hahahahahaha," Tamaki bellowed before dousing the already irritated Lelouch with the remaining contents of his egg nog. The dreaded liquid slid down the Zero mask, splattered onto his elaborately decorated suit, and worst of all…the egg nog fell onto the cape.

**The cape of the mighty Zero.**

From behind the mask, Lelouch's eye twitched violently as Tamaki began to skip away, saying all sorts of garbage that simply wasn't true. Lelouch paid that no mind though, his fury was locked on the substance that was staining his Zero attire. It was unacceptable.

Somebody had to pay.

"Tamaki, wait a moment."

The drunk buffoon hadn't gone far. "Yeah Zero buddy?"

A malevolent smile twisted Lelouch's features from underneath the mask. "You've just been promoted."

* * *

><p>A little later<p>

"Hahahahahahahaha!"

Amber eyes looked away from the magazine and set themselves on the man who had been laughing evilly for the past ten minutes. Even now, the owner of those eyes still believed that the man laughing like a maniac was hung up on some type of drug.

"_Crystal Meth_?" C.C. wondered, setting the magazine down on the table as she stared up at Lelouch. She noted that he'd been doused in what appeared to be egg nog. C.C. then shook her head in disapproval. "_So he's been drinking. Now he's a blubbering idiot like Tamaki._"

Lelouch began to dance around the room, discarding his dirtied cape as he did so. He ran off to the far side of the room where the closet was and took out another one of his marvelous and dramatic capes. He laid it on the couch by C.C. before going back into the closet to find the other duplicate pieces of his elaborate costume, continually laughing as he did so.

"Lelouch, you're more irritating than usual," C.C. muttered, her eyes going back to her magazine. She was currently reading a pizza recipe. "_So Tabasco sauce, huh? I should make Lelouch cook this for me after this silly plan of his fails._"

"C.C., I've come up with another plan," Lelouch began, "a diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent, condescending, wicked, vindictive, and expertly crafted plan."

C.C. let out a long exasperated sigh. "Must you always say all that every time your twisted little mind comes up with a harebrained scheme?"

"In a word, yes," Lelouch replied simply. "Not doing so would bring me bad luck, and that isn't something I need right now C.C.. No, not with all these diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent…"

"Condescending, wicked, vindictive, and expertly crafted plans spinning around in your head," C.C. finished, clearly agitated. "Get on with it boy, I don't have all day."

"You're immortal and eternally young," Lelouch pointed out. "You've got all the time in the world."

C.C. heard snickering from within her mind. "_He's has a valid point C.C._"

"_Shut up, Marianne._"

"In any case," Lelouch continued, "along with 'Operation Takeover Britannia on Christmas', I have added another plan entitled 'Operation Kill Tamaki!'"

C.C. scoffed. "I told you to do that a long time ago. A buffoon like that only serves as comedic relief when there's too much drama." She turned her gaze toward the Zero mask on the table. "Why the sudden desire to kill the brat now?"

"Can you not see why?" Lelouch asked, pointing at the egg nog that was still dripping off him. "He got that nasty drink on my cape. He must die!"

"Does it really take that little to get on your bad side Lelouch?"

"In a word, yes."

C.C. shook her head again. "So what's your so called brilliant plan on that?"

"I will set Tamaki on the front lines of battle in 'Operation Takeover Britannia on Christmas'," Lelouch replied. "The man is a horrible pilot. If Suzaku is in the lead with his Lancelot, the brute will be killed in no time at all. I'll finally be rid of him. Wuhahahahaha!"

"Why not just use Geass?" C.C. asked, clearly missing the logic in Lelouch's diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent, condescending, wicked, vindictive, and expertly crafted plan.

Lelouch sighed. "Because," he drawled out, "it's a whole lot more fun to watch the idiot blow up into tiny bits and pieces. Killing him with a simple command wouldn't be satisfying at all, not only that, but I'd have the rest of the Black Knights trying to beat me up."

"I don't know," C.C. replied, "maybe they'd thank you for getting rid of the guy. I know I would. In either case, both of these plans are stupid. Don't you know that bad things happen to people who try and ruin Christmas. Lelouch, the holiday is sacred. You don't mess with a sacred and commercial holiday like that. It'll only bring disaster."

"Whatever." Lelouch gathered the clean clothes from off the couch and walked toward the bathroom. "I'm going to change and then I'm going to see what Kallen is up to. Unlike you, she'd probably love my diabolical, horrible…"

C.C. sent him a glare. "Don't you dare say it."

"Fine," Lelouch replied, disappearing behind the bathroom door with a final evil laugh. Once he was gone, C.C. finally relaxed some. The seventeen year old was really starting to wear her out.

"_Admit it C.C., you have a big time crush on my son._"

"_Didn't I tell you to shut up Marianne?_"

* * *

><p>AN: You know, I think I may have gotten a little bit carried away with this one, but in any case, I hope you all enjoyed the second chapter. The next one will have more humor, some action, and a little romance on the side. Thanks for reading.


	3. wicked, vindictive, and

A/N: So...it's been a really long time since I updated this...so long in fact that I totally forgot where I wanted to take this story, but after a good year (or two) of not having a single idea for this story I finally had an epiphany today and came up with this. Hopefully you guys enjoy it, though it'll be a little more serious toward the end. The beginning is all humor though, and hopefully the best yet. Given that this is a parody, everyone is pretty much OC...at least a little bit. Anyway, enough talk. Enjoy the show!

Disclaimer: I do not own the epic goodness that is Code Geass.

Chapter 3

Thanks to Rakshata leaving (without permission mind you) Lelouch, now dressed in a clean "Zero" get-up, had just issued for the operation to be put off for two hours. After issuing this order he departed from his room where C.C. was still contemplating what drug her accomplice was hyped up on. She simply couldn't figure it out.

Setting her aside though, we return to follow the protagonist down the hall as he makes his way towards Kallen's quarters. From behind the Zero mask, Lelouch was frowning slightly, aggravated that Rakshata had just left. He would need to plot out a diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent, condescending, wicked, vindictive, and expertly crafted plan of revenge against her later.

I bet you readers have missed that mouthful of a line.

As he neared Kallen's quarters about a minute later, he plotted out the number of ongoing plans on his gloved fingertips. He counted three, but then remembered why he had wanted to go to Kallen's quarters in the first place.

"_That's right, I mentally made a diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent, condescending, wicked, vindictive, and expertly crafted plan to woo Kallen so she'll never dream of betraying me should any of my diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent, condescending, wicked, vindictive, and expertly crafted plans go awry. Doing so shouldn't be too hard. She already has a crush on me. She'll be putty in my hands in no time at all."_

Lelouch grinned idiotically from behind his mask as he stepped toward the doorway. He expected the automated doors to open automatically, so he didn't shift his gaze from his right hand. All of his thoughts were centered on memorizing the different plans and the exact strategic measures he needed to take to ensure they worked in his favor.

Unfortunately for him, the simple plan to briskly walk into Kallen's room in a charismatic manner was met by his masked face colliding with the heavy metal door.

"Gah!" He shrieked upon impact, took a couple of steps back while shaking his head, then angrily glared at the door.

"_It should have been set to automatic_," he thought, stepping forward to type in the code on the keypad next to the door. Oh well, a slight detour isn't going to hurt, right?

Wrong.

_Access denied._

From behind the mask, Lelouch lifted an eyebrow in slight agitation but once more ruled it out as a minor inconvenience. He typed the code in again.

_Access denied._

"What?" he muttered, utterly confused by this turn of events. He knew he was typing in the right pass code. He'd memorized it for just this sort of occasion.

"_Just type it in again Lelouch. Come on! We have a diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent...oh forget the stupid line! Just open the door!"_

Lelouch once more typed in the pass code, albeit a bit more forcefully then necessary, and was met with the same result as before.

_Access denied._

The masked terrorist took a long moment to glare at the oppressive door, now realizing that Kallen must have changed the pass code. More than likely she did it to keep Tamaki out. Still, she would at least want her commander to have the new pass code, right? After all, she clearly has a crush on him. It's obvious.

"_What would Kallen change the pass code to_," he wondered while still attempting the original code. "_The code will be four digits long. How many options is that? Eh, I don't know. The author's brain is math impaired. I'll have to wait for her to look it up on Google."_

(Ten seconds later)

"_So...there's 10,000 different options. I could have figured that out. After all the code is from 0000 to 9999 if every digit can be used more than once which is how I had it designed. A wide range of choices and little to no time..."_

"Zero?"

Lelouch turned around so quickly that his cape swished in a dramatic fashion that would have been cool had he not let out a high-pitched screech at the same time.

"Ah...Ohgi..." Lelouch quickly cleared his throat. "What are you doing here? I thought I assigned you to the main operations room with Deithard."

"Yes sir, you did," Ohgi stated, smiling nervously "but then I got a call from Kallen and uh...wait what are you doing here?"

"Do I not have a right to check on a subordinate?"

Ohgi looked at his commanding officer a bit suspiciously for perhaps the first time since he'd known him. "Zero, not to overstep my bounds, but are you trying to seduce Kallen? If you are you should know that Kallen is like a little sister to me and if you do _anything_ to hurt her..."

While Ohgi was still talking, Lelouch shifted his gaze toward the ground. "_Darn it, he figured me out. Guess I'll have to try out that plan another time." _

Finally tuning in back on the conversation, Lelouch cut off his deputy commander mind-threat. "Ohgi! I would appreciate it if you refrained from those kinds of accusations and focus on the task at hand. Now, didn't you say Kallen called you."

"Oh right, that...um...Zero."

"Hmm?"

"When she called," Ohgi began, "she sounded...off?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she just kept saying...all these squares make a circle."

Lelouch's eyebrow rose a little higher from behind the Zero mask. Why did that sound familiar?

"I was worried so I thought I should come check on her," Ohgi continued, stepping around the commander. He typed 9-3-7-6 on the keypad and the door opened seconds later.

Upon seeing this, Lelouch's jaw dropped. It was a good thing Ohgi couldn't see his face right now.

"What...how...when...I...how do you know Kallen's pass code!?" Lelouch questioned loudly.

Ohgi glanced behind him at his boss, confused. "I just got through explaining that Kallen is like a little sister to me. I asked for the pass code and she gave it to me. Besides that, shouldn't you know all the pass codes Zero?"

"_Is this guy getting smart with me!? Oh that's it! I'm adding another diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent, condescending, wicked, vindictive, and expertly crafted plan to my list of diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent..."_

"Aren't you coming Zero?"

Lelouch silently growled to himself. "_That's it! No one cuts off my inner monologue! This man dies in this room. I don't care if Kallen and the Black Knights end up hating me for it. I can just use my Geass to control them...well except Kallen, but she..."_

The masked genius cut off his own mental rant upon following Ohgi into Kallen's bathroom. She lay on the tile floor, wearing her black knight uniform, though the top was unbuttoned, revealing a peek at a canary yellow tank top. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were a bit vacant. In her right hand she held an empty gallon jug. There wasn't a label on it.

Ohgi's eyes widened like saucers. "Oh no..."

Lelouch felt confused. "What is it? What's wrong with her?"

She giggled and hiccupped as her gaze lifted from the square tiles on the floor to glance up at the two of them. "Zero? Hey, come down here. I want to tell ya somethin'."

Ohgi gave Lelouch a panicked look that screamed for him to just walk away from the scene and pretend like it never happened, but Lelouch, being the hardheaded bloke he could be, decided to completely ignore the warning and slowly knelt by Kallen's side. He figured while she was in this obviously drunk state he could flirt with her right in front of her self-proclaimed guardian.

Once he was close enough, she slowly pushed herself up to her knees so she could be eye-level with him. She sighed as she gazed at the mask.

"I wish I could see your eyes Zero," she breathed, letting herself fall into his arms. He barely caught her and Lelouch could feel the heat in Ohgi's gaze.

"Kallen, are you alright?" Lelouch asked, glancing at the jug. "What was in that?"

"I left a gallon of milk on the kitchen counter yesterday," Kallen answered, slurring the whole time while leaning more fully against Lelouch's chest. "Wow, you sure smell good Zero-sama."

Ohgi slapped his hand over his forehead. "Tamaki."

Lelouch's ears barely caught the whispered name and he didn't get the chance to properly question Ohgi about the situation. Kallen beat him to the punch.

"Oh yeah...I rushed into the kitchen earlier thinking I'd left the milk out alllll night," she stated, wrapping her arms around Lelouch's waist. "I guezz Tamaki must have put the milk in the fridge for me though I don't know why he would have taken the label off."

Ohgi pinched the bridge of his nose. "Oh Kallen, you didn't."

Once more Lelouch attempted to ask Ohgi what the heck he was talking about, but Kallen started before he could.

"I drank a glass, figured out it wasn't milk, but it tasted kinda gooooood so I...drunk the whole gallon." She barely lifted her hand for emphasis. "Now Zero...can I take off your mask. I want to see what you look like. I'm sure you're beautifuuuuuuuul."

"Ohgi, what did she actually drink?" Lelouch asked, smirking a bit as Kallen's eyes suddenly darted toward the floor again. In a flat monotone she started murmuring, "All these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle..."

As her murmurs continued, Ohgi mae himself sit down on the closed lid of the toilet seat. "Zero...Tamaki has a bit of a problem."

"Tamaki has a vast amount of problems," Lelouch replied, somewhat agitated now that Kallen was more actively trying to take off his mask as she continued murmuring that all the squares make a circle. "What of it."

"Well this time...he brought in a gallon of LSD last night."

Lelouch would have stopped moving if he hadn't needed to continue fighting off Kallen's attempts to take off his mask. "A gallon! But that means...she's going to be like this for hours!Ohgi! She's our ace pilot! Why didn't you inform me of this!?"

"Because," Ohgi dragged out, hanging his head low, "Tamaki was supposed to drink it and get himself killed in the operation."

"_Note to self," _Lelouch thought, finally managing to get Kallen's hands back to her sides momentarily, "_keep an eye on Ohgi from now on._"

"If I had known something like this could..."

"Ooooooooh! Enough already Ohgiiiiiiiii!" Kallen abruptly released Lelouch from her grasp and shakily stood upright. She swayed for a second, her eyes moving in all sorts of directions before finally focussing on Ohgi. "Kay Mr. Blob face...you're killing my mojo!" Stumbling forward the managed to get a good grip on the collar of Ohgi's shirt before he could even react. "Get out of my pizza paarlor!" With a firm yank she pulled up from the toilet seat and then pressed her foot against his backside. "OUT!"

"WHOOOOA!"

Lelouch got up from the floor as Ohgi landed in the next room. He tried to run out of the bathroom behind him, but Kallen shut and locked the door before he could escape.

"Now it's just you and me masked man."

Lelouch swallowed the lump in his throat as cold sweat began to gather at his brow. "_Oh no, this wasn't part of my diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent, condescending, wicked, vindictive, and expertly crafted plan. In fact, I'm pretty sure this is the exact opposite of how I wanted this particular plan to go._"

Kallen giggled while throwing off the jacket to her uniform. Now she just wore the tank top and shorts. "Now let's see who you are Zeroooo...wow you look so nice with all those colors around ya."

"Kallen...this is highly unprofessional," Lelouch stated in a calm sort of panic. His back suddenly pressed against the wall by the shower. The poor guy may have been used to scores of girls throwing themselves at him, but he never thought in a million years one of those rabid fangirls would be Kallen, the most intensively focused, non-fangirly girls he knew.

And given her reserves of strength, even while intoxicated, made for a VERY bad situation.

She was looming closer, a lustful gaze in her eyes. "I've wanted to see who you are for a looong time Zeeero..."

"Kallen...wait a minute...you aren't supposed to find out my identity for a good ten episodes." His eyes darted around the room frantically as he tried to figure out a way to get around the red-head.

Outside the bathroom, Ohgi was slowly picking himself off the floor.

"Aww man, even when she's higher than a kite she can beat me up," Ohgi muttered while rubbing his sore backside.

"NO! LET GO! DON'T TOUCH THAT! KALLEN STOP!"

Ohgi inclined his gaze over his shoulder before letting out a dejected sigh. "_I get the feeling Zero will be retiring from terrorist work after this._"

* * *

><p>A few minutes later<p>

C.C. let out a sigh, her gaze on the ceiling.

"I'm bored," she muttered in a flat monotone while wondering if she should call Sugiyama and order him to make her another pizza.

Her thoughts were interrupted however, when Lelouch, clad only in his pants and the Zero mask, came stumbling into the room. As soon as the automated doors shut behind him, he hurriedly tugged off the mask and let it fall from his hand to the floor. With wobbly legs he walked to the other end of the couch C.C. was laying on and sat down. Harsh breaths slipped through his lips and sweat poured from his brow as he leaned back against the soft cushions. He didn't acknowledge the presence of the immortal witch, only focused on breathing in and out.

C.C. watched him in silence momentarily, thinking to herself in avid triumph, "_The boredom has ended._"

Moving her feet to the floor she shifted her weight on the couch so that she was facing him. "So, an addiction to sex then?"

Lelouch's violet eyes snapped open and the enraged glare that met her eyes would have killed her instantly had she been able to die. Still, she was unperturbed by it.

"What happened?" she asked.

Lelouch continued to inhale and exhale shaky breaths. "Let's...just say...that my diabolical..."

"...and stupid plan to woo Kallen ended up in shambles," C.C. finished, sparing the readers of this story from having to read that mouthful of a line again.

"That's not...the only plan...that ended up in shambles," Lelouch added, his breaths slowing a little. "Kallen drunk a gallon of LSD."

"A gallon?"

"That was my response as well, and then she started saying something about all the squares making a circle."

C.C.'s face paled considerably and her amber eyes widened in horror. Seconds later she turned away from him, her eyes still wide, almost as if she were remembering something particularly horrible.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, genuinely concerned when she didn't come out of it. "C.C.?"

Her body began to shake, "First rule of Popo's training...never talk about Popo's training..."

"What?"

C.C. shook her head as a shudder went through her body. "Forget it. What happened after that?"

Lelouch let out a long sigh, having finally caught his breath. "Well, like most girls do, she tried to force herself on me. She was fixated on seeing my face, but luckily for me the full effects of the LSD kicked in and she only ended up taking off the top half of my clothes. While she was doing that I managed to unlock the door to her bathroom and at the first available opportunity I ran out and didn't stop until I made it back here where I could be safe. She won't be able to get in without a pass code and you're the only other person who has access to that code."

C.C. smirked. "Hmm, you must trust me a great deal."

There was a pause and then, "Yes, I do."

The immortal woman blinked in surprise. Her comment was meant to be sarcastic, but he...

"I trust you C.C.," he murmured, having closed his eyes. "Maybe not every second of every day because of your devious nature but...on a whole I trust you. At the very least, I trust you won't do anything to endanger me or my sister's lives. After all, you're always saying how I have to stay alive to grant your wish.."

C.C. didn't respond, only watched as his breaths continued to slow down into a more steady rhythm. He was exhausted.

Lelouch heard her moving, but didn't open his eyes until he felt her hand on his shoulder. His violet eyes met her amber ones. She was smiling softly at him.

"You're tired," she whispered, gently patting her lap. "You should sleep for a while."

He hesitated. "The operation..."

"Can wait until nightfall," C.C. cut in, her hands moving to cup the sides of his face. Her thumb brushed the tender skin under his left eye. "If you're too exhausted to command them efficiently, all of your expertly crafted plans will fall apart."

She withdrew her hands and for a moment Lelouch couldn't help but feel like all the warmth had left his face.

"Lay down," she ordered. Once more Lelouch hesitated, but after a few seconds he lowered his head to rest it on her lap, bringing up his legs to rest on the couch in the same moment. Seconds later he could feel her fingers in his hair, massaging his scalp. Slowly he closed his eyes.

"I do have one question for you though."

"Proceed," he answered.

"Did you not want to seduce Kallen?"

Lelouch briefly opened his eyes. "Not in that way. I only wanted her to be emotionally invested to the point where she wouldn't dream of betraying me, in case everything fell apart. The future of my sister depends on our success, but should we fail I need to have a back-up plan in place. Kallen is strong and fiercely loyal to the Black Knights and to me. You could say that I wanted more though. I wanted her to put me above her comrades so to speak."

"Then why resist her?" C.C. asked, her soft green tresses falling over him like a curtain when she leaned forward to grab the phone on the table.

He thought it over for a moment. "Because there's someone else holding my attention in regards to romance."

C.C. began dialing a number. "Shirley?"

Lelouch chuckled. "She'd like that, but no, not Shirley."

The immortal woman stopped dialing for a moment. "Lelouch, you do realize that incest is generally frowned upon right?"

"That joke isn't funny witch."

"It is to me," C.C. replied, resuming her business. She pressed the phone to her ear and waited for Diethard to answer. When he did she quickly told him that Zero had rescheduled the operation for nightfall. Once she was through informing him, she hung up and placed the wireless phone back on the table. As she did so, Lelouch reached out and grabbed her wrist.

She blinked in shock at the sudden contact. Her amber gaze moved to meet his, but he didn't look at her. Instead he gently brought her hand to his lips.

His kiss upon her hand was light and brief. He kissed her hand like a knight might kiss the hand of his princess.

"_I wonder if he took a swig of that LSD,_" C.C. wondered, fighting the blush that wanted to appear on her cheeks. What was this feeling?

There was a smirk on his face when he released her hand. "Wake me at nightfall. The government bureau will be under our control by midnight. Taking it over will make it easier to move forward into our future. And I still have to grant a wish of yours after all."

C.C. narrowed her gaze, hiding her sadness as she began messaging his scalp again. "Yes, but for now, the only wish I have is for you to rest Lelouch."

"Very well, but one last thing."

"What now, boy?"

"I've added a new operation to the strategic plan," he murmured as he began to drift off. "In addition to Operation Takeover Britannia on Christmas and Operation Kill Tamaki, we're adding, Operation Humiliate and the Kill Kaname Ohgi."

C.C. raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

Lelouch didn't answer, he was already out cold. The immortal woman shook her head, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

"_See, I told you he liked you too C.C. You should have believed me. Honestly, you act like I don't know my own son."_

C.C. let out a sigh. _"You're ruining the moment for me Marianne."_

* * *

><p>Meanwhile in a far off dimension...<p>

"All these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle..."

A green man that went by the name of Piccolo opened one of his eyes as the black genie known as Mr. Popo continued to rant about the square tiles of the lookout making a circle. Meditating was becoming increasingly difficult thanks to this. It didn't help that there were two inner voices in his head ranting at him.

"_Dude, how did he end up with a gallon of LSD again?"_

_"I'm not sure Nail. Mr. Popo never leaves the lookout, so how he even gets LSD to begin with is puzzling."_

_"Well, he's a genie right? Maybe he can travel through dimensions and he's getting it from idiotic resistance force guy."_

_"That's highly unlikely..."_

Piccolo groaned. "_Would the two of you please shut up! I'm trying to freakin' concentrate before Goku and Gohan come out of the hyperbolic time chamber and Mr. Popo's continuous rants coupled with Vegeta's constant complaining about it are already wearing on my nerves._"

"All these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle..."

Shut up! I did not think that anything on this God forsaken planet could be any more infuriating than Kakarot, but you have proven me wrong and for that you will die a slow, painful, death."

"Father please..."

"Don't you dare try to discipline me! I am _your_ father, not the other way around."

"Fa...father...you've finally acknowledged me as your son?"

"The only thing I'm acknowledging is the fact that you're a giant thorn in my side that I will get rid of at the earliest convenience."

Piccolo sighed. "_The idiot that gave Mr. Popo that gallon of LSD needs to die in an explosion. Better yet, it needs to be a planned explosion. Yes, and explosion that was part of a diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent, condescending, wicked, vindictive, and expertly crafted plan."_

"Hey guys! We're out of the chamber now! Oooh! Is that a gallon of milk! I LOVE milk! Anyone got any chocolate chip cookies?"

"Goku no! Don't drink that! Please!"

"That's it, I'm killing Kakarot and the genie with my final flash."

"All these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle."

Piccolo sighed again as chaos ensued, closing both is eyes this time. "_The same thing needs to happen to Goku...and Trunks...and Vegeta...Gohan's okay though."_

* * *

><p>AN: So we had a little crossover action at the end. (Couldn't resist. I've got the DBZ abridged bug.) Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. It's been a long time coming. The next one will center more on Suzaku and Euphie and the oncoming battle in which hopefully Tamaki will explode. Apparently everyone wants him gone now. Thanks for reading guys. Feel free to review. Constructive criticism is welcome.


	4. expertly crafted

A/N: Here is the next installment of Zero's misadventures in his quest to ruin Christmas. But first, let's check and see what Suzaku is up to. Last time, we left him at the mercy of Cornelia and he became Santa's "Helper". (Insert evil laugh here) I adore Suzaku, but he's so fun to torture. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy the chapter!

Disclaimer: Do you have any idea what chaos would befall the anime world if I owned Code Geass. If you'd like a clue, you can check out my Code Geass crossovers. (Yep, that was a shameless plug. I got to reign you guys into my crazy world one way or another.)

Warnings: Um...can't think of any.

* * *

><p>At the government bureau<p>

6:45 p.m.

"Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Suzaku Kururgu, wearing a Santa girl costume complete with makeup, black snowflake patterned stockings, and red high heels, hung his head low in shame as he set a tray of champagne flutes filled with ginger ale on the table in front of him. "_I firmly regret every decision that led me to this low, low, LOW, point in my life. Someone should have told me that trying to change Britannian society from the inside was a waste of time. Better yet, someone should have told me it was catastrophic, pitiful, naïve, stupid, mentally and emotionally destructive, no good, and poorly crafted plan."_

You know, it doesn't sound quite as good as Lelouch's famous line.

Unfortunately for the Honorary Britannian turned knight, he could not turn back the clock and choke his younger self to death which meant subjecting himself to the snickers of Britannian nobles and aristocrats as he pranced about, serving champagne and in some cases ginger ale.

That wasn't even the worst part though.

"Hahahaha! I can't...my side! Hahahaha! Can't breathe...bwahahahahahaha!"

Suzaku let out a long sigh while wishing Lloyd had picked someone else to be his fiance. "Madame President, please. This is already embarrassing enough without you cackling like that."

The Ashfrod Academy Student Council President, Milly Ashford, continued to laugh hysterically at Suzaku's predicament. Sitting next to her wearing a formal tux sat Rivalz Cardemon who had long since joined her in the laughter and next to him sat Nina Einstein wearing a plain white long-sleeved sweater dressed. Even the almost always quiet girl was giggling.

The only person sitting at the table who wasn't laughing was Shirley Fennette. One look at her let Suzaku know she was thinking about Lelouch again, and not in the most positive light either. For a few seconds he wondered if something was going on between them.

But seconds after thinking this he heard the snap of a camera phone lens. His emerald-green eyes snapped in attention and zoomed in on a cellular device in Milly's hands.

"You're taking pictures now!?" Suzaku asked in complete horror. Some random lady passed by as he spoke and she practically spit the champagne she was drinking out of her mouth. Oh, what Suzaku wouldn't give to drink himself into a coma right now.

"Not just taking pictures," Milly replied, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder. Her painted red lips moved to form a devious grin. "This is YouTube worthy my friend."

Suzaku felt a little of himself die on the inside. "You're so cruel..."

"Lighten up man," Rivalz stated good-naturedly while not so sneakily placing his hand on Milly's thigh. His eyes were locked on the glittery red fabric of her mermaid style dress hugging her curves. "It's all in good fun."

Milly promptly lifted his hand from off her. "On the contrary Rivalz. If you touch me again I can guarantee that the fun will end for you."

Rivalz's expression sunk. "Come on Prez, I'm just preparing you for your marriage to..." his expression suddenly shifted to one of pure rage, "_**him**__..."_

Milly and Nina both blinked at their friend's sudden change in demeanor, but all was explained seconds later when Lloyd Asplund came bounding toward the table, shouting ecstatically that his fiance had finally arrived to the party. Cecile followed closely behind, looking radiant in a royal blue halter dress.

"I'm happy to see you extended the invitation to your friends dear," Lloyd cheerily stated, his cheeks a bit rosy. He glanced at Suzaku, laughed at him again, then turned his attention back to Milly. "Care for a dance? This party has been sooooooooooo boring."

Suzaku's jaw nearly dropped. "_What the..._" he exchanged a look with Cecile in which she mouthed to him, "_He's drunk."_

Milly blinked in confusion, but then that devious look came back. Setting down her phone, she rose from her seat. "I would be delighted Earl Asplund."

"Oh please darling don't call me that," Lloyd responded with regal gaiety. "I am the honored Earl of Pudding!"

Rivalz immediately busted out laughing while Nina, who had been drinking her ginger ale, did a spit take at his words. Shirley briefly glanced at Nina to make sure she was alright but then turned her attention toward the evening sky outside the tall windows surrounding them.

Suzaku wanted to question the girl, but at that moment...

"Hey Santa baby! Bring on more champagne!"

The knight groaned at the sound of Darlton's voice. Cleary the veteran soldier was drunk out of his skull.

"Well Suzuki you best be off," Rivalz joked, his laughter echoing through the room as Suzaku dejectedly walked away, carrying his empty tray.

After retrieving more champagne flutes from the kitchen crew, (in which two members of said crew passed out from excessive giggling), Suzaku carried the newly filled tray to Princess Cornelia's table where she was accompanied by Guilford, Darlton, and a few members of the Glaston Knights.

"You requested more champagne?" Suzaku inquired, setting the tray down before setting the glasses in front of everyone present. He noted that the chair reserved for Princess Euphemia was empty. Almost immediately his already sour mood soured all the more. Earlier he had caught a glimpse of her sitting in that exact chair, looking beautiful in a white ballgown with ruffled sleeves tied with festive green and red ribbons. Her long locks of cotton candy colored hair were pulled up into an elaborate up-do with a few tendrils loosely framing her face.

All the while, the knight she had chosen was dressed like a woman per her sister's command.

He knew Euphie must have seen him, so he didn't blame her for hightailing it out of there to escape the shame he was bringing upon her good name.

"My, my, don't look so glum Kururugi," Cornelia offered, struggling to hide the wide smile on her face. Clearly she was ecstatic about the success of her prank on him. "It's all in good fun."

Guilford lifted his flute of ginger ale while giving Suzaku an apologetic smile. "It's part of the initiation. Her majesty did the same thing to me many years ago. It's a good sign. You're growing on her."

"I think I liked it better when I was on her bad side," Suzaku inaudibly muttered. His sour mood had taken another dive.

Suddenly, the large ornate doors on the other side of the woman opened with a loud bang. Suzaku, (despite his dressed up predicament) turned on his heel and moved into a fighting stance. Santa's helper or not, he would make sure no terrorist came barreling into the party to further heighten his embarrassment.

But to his surprise, the person that came walking through the door was Euphie...dressed in a full-bodied Santa Suit with the beard and everything.

"Ho, ho, ho," she bellowed, placing her hands on her fake belly that rolled like jelly. She coughed a bit soon afterward, unable to keep up the deep voice. When she spoke again, it was in that sing-song voice Suzaku had grown to adore. "Merry Christmas!"

Suzaku, along with the other guests, gasped a bit as Princess Euphemia continued forward in a waddle like fashion. Many were stifling giggles or smiles of any kind for fear that they'd anger Cornelia for doing so, but as Euphie passed, she encouraged the guests to laugh and enjoy themselves. All the while, she kept waving to Suzaku. The beard was covering up most of her lips, but he could tell she was truly smiling under there.

The Honoary Britannian felt his heart leap in his chest as he began to walk towards her.

She looked completely ridiculous and yet...more beautiful than he had ever seen her.

"Merry Christmas Su...whoa!" Euphie began to lose her balance. The weight of her suit threatened to send her tumbling to the floor, but thankfully Suzaku caught her before she could face plant.

"Are you alright your majesty?"

Euphie let out a giggle. "Oh, Suzaku." She looked up at him, pure love shinning in her lavender eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you? Call me Euphie."

Suzaku's responding smile practically lit up the ball room. "Of course. Anything you wish...Euphie."

Some of the onlookers were whispering about the shame the princess was bringing upon their race by talking with the cross-dressing eleven, but many of the guests smiled at the two, thinking them to be a nice match...though the cross-dressing was still a bit weird.

As for Cornelia and her knights, there was little care extended toward the two. Cornelia understood that her stubborn sister had chosen Kururugi as her knight despite her every attempt to sway Euphemia to act differently. In the end though, Cornelia could now see that Kururugi was the best choice to protect his sister from harm. The look in his eyes said it all.

Now as far as suitors go...that's a different story, but Cornelia decided she wouldn't interfere. Kururugi was fairly attractive...for a number. She could see why Euphemia would be interested in him. She had a feeling it wouldn't last, but for now Euphemia was happy. That's all that really mattered to Cornelia right now.

But who cares about Cornelia's opinion. Let's get back to the romance.

"I do have one other wish," Euphie exclaimed. "Since you're dressed as Santa's helper, would you mind helping me hand out some gifts?"

Her knight responded with a gallant bow...which wasn't the best thing to do given his attire, but as far as he was concerned, Euphie was the only person in the room.

"Such a request is an honor to fulfil Mr. Claus."

Euphie tilted her head a bit, another small giggle escaping her. "You probably should have curtsied, Suzaku."

Suzaku ended up laughing along with her. "And look even more ridiculous than I already do. I think I'll have to pass on that."

"Well," Euphie began, reaching out with her gloved hand to gently grasp Suzaku's wrist, "at least now we look ridiculous together."

Suzaku shook his head, obediently following behind her as she began to pull him along. "You'll always look beautiful to me...even while waddling."

Euphie moaned, her playful pout partially hidden by the beard. "Suzaku, I think I'll have my sister command you to dress up as a penguin next year."

"As long as you dress up as an Eskimo, I'm fine with that."

"It's a deal. Now, help me with this giant bag of presents. I had to carry them down three flights of stairs earlier. My back is a little stiff now."

"Someone's getting old," Suzaku teased. The two of them laughed, leaving the room to grab the gifts for all the guests attending the party. Once more there were whispers, but the two lovebirds didn't care for the opinions of close-minded people. As long as they had each other, they were both as happy as could be.

Of course, thanks to Zero, the spirit of Christmas is on the verge of being ruined.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile...<p>

"_No, no, no!"_

Lelouch grit his teeth from beneath the Zero mask as C.C. pushed him down the hall. For a petite little woman, she had some reserves of strength, much like the woman the two of them were going to see.

Of course, after the events of the last chapter, the last thing Lelouch wanted to do was see Kallen.

"Stop being a baby about this," C.C. ordered, forcing the masked terrorist forward inch by miserable inch down the hall. "By now she's probably passed out. You need to..." she moaned, the struggle of pushing him forward taking a lot more effort than she was used to giving to any task. "...assess the damage and come up with another diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent, condescending, wicked, vindictive..." she trailed off, groaning now that the man refused to budge anymore.

"And expertly crafted plan," Lelouch finished just as C.C. threw up her hands and exhaled an exasperated sigh. "I realize that this has to be done but..."

By this point C.C. was rubbing her fingers against the sides of her head. A terrible headache was beginning to make itself known. "But what?"

"I don't wanna!"

C.C.'s expression deadpanned. "Again, you're acting like a colossally big baby about this." With a more forceful grip, she grabbed Lelouch by the cape and proceeded to drag him all the way to Kallen's door. Lelouch tried to resist, but when he did so, C.C. pulled on his cape and caused him to fall face first to the hard floor. From there she continued to drag him...inch by miserable inch.

The poor immortal witch was definitely getting a workout from this madness.

After a few minutes of dragging, arguing, and threats from C.C., Lelouch with the guise of Zero protecting him, finally marched into Kallen's room. C.C. followed in behind him.

Just as predicted, Kallen was incapacitated on the couch. Her eyes kept rolling in circles and every once in a while she'd mutter something about a black genie floating in the doorway. C.C. would shudder at some terrible memory every time she mentioned this genie, but otherwise Kallen was in LSD coma.

Ohgi was pacing behind the couch while Inoue checked Kallen's vitals. "Is she going to be alright doctor!?"

Inoue groaned, tossing the thermometer she had just stuck in Kallen's mouth over her shoulder. "I'm not exactly trained for this sort of thing. I was only in medical school for two weeks before the Britannians took over...and I was studying to be a veterinarian."

"Oh the humanity!" Ohgi shrieked, falling to his knees by the couch. He pressed his face to the cushion by Kallen's head. "Say it isn't so doctor!"

Inoue groaned again. "Deputy commander, I'm not..."

"Kallen! Why! Why did you drink LSD from a milk jug!? Why I ask you! Why!"

With another groan, Inoue turned to Zero and C.C. "I don't know why I bother trying to talk to this guy. He's emotionally unstable."

"Is Kallen going to be okay though?" Zero asked.

"I'm not even sure why Ohgi called me here in the first place," Inoue muttered, her blue eyes darting over to the snivelling mess of a man. "Still, from my assessment, the best thing to do to figure out how long Kallen is going to be like this is to question the man responsible for her condition to begin with."

Ohgi gasped, his gaze widening in horror. "You can't mean..."

"Don't say it..." Lelouch added. "For the love of all that is Christmas...don't say it!"

C.C. sighed. "What is it with you men and theatrics today?"

From behind the Zero mask, Lelouch glared at the immortal witch, but instead of replying to her comment he turned to Inoue again, his shoulders heavy with a great weight as he spoke. "We have to speak to Tamaki don't we?

"Unfortunately," Inoue answered, shaking her head. "Zero, just my opinion here, but I think it would be in everyone's best interest if you come up with an operation to...ahem...'Kill Tamaki'."

Lelouch smirked in triumph underneath the mask. "_Finally! Someone who's on board with my diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent..."_

Inoue rose from her seated position on the floor. "Zero, please. Just give it a rest already." Flipping her dark hair over her shoulder, she walked past the masked man in a show of nonchalance. Had she been able to see Zero's face she would have doubled over in a fit of hysterics at the open-mouthed expression he was sporting.

"Ouch...," C.C. drawled out, still staring at Ohgi's pitiful display. "That had to sting..."

"C.C.," Lelouch cut in, his voice low and soft. "Follow her. Make sure she doesn't have a Geass like Mao. I can't have someone else reading my mind and figuring out my diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent..."

"Didn't she tell you to give it a rest," C.C. interrupted, rolling her amber eyes. "Forget this! I'm going back to our room and ordering Sugiyama to cook up a pizza."

"Our room! It's my room witch!"

C.C. threw up her hand in dismissal, the automated doors closing behind her with a firm click. Now Zero and Ohgi were alone with a comatose Kallen.

"All these squares make a circle..."

Lelouch practically growled. "If I hear that phrase one more time, I'm going to add another diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent..."

"Zero! Enough!"

Lelouch was prepared to argue how he needed to say his iconic phrase all the way through at least once in this chapter, but then just let it go. It was already nightfall and there was still no operation.

Only one thing left to do.

"Ohgi, pull yourself together," Zero commanded. Ohgi reluctantly stood, wiping his eyes from tears.

"Find Tamaki and bring him here," he continued. "Then have Diethard call Tohdoh and Asahina come here as well."

Ohgi nodded. "Yes sir, but you should know Tohdoh and Chiba come as a package deal..."

"Fine! Just make the call and get Tamaki here stat!"

"Of course! No problem!" Ohgi exclaimed, quickly running out the door. "But don't forget Zero, no seducing Kallen while I'm away."

Lelouch's eyebrow began to twitch beneath the mask. "Wouldn't...dream of it...now get...going."

"Yes sir!"

The automated doors closed, leaving Lelouch alone with Kallen once more.

He suddenly had a bad feeling about this course of action.

"Hail Popo!"

Yep, a very bad feeling indeed.

* * *

><p>AN: So...yeah this chapter ended up being a lot shorter than I initially planned, but be prepared. The next one is going to amp up the hilarity in a major way. Don't know what I'm talking about? Well stay tuned to find out! (Hopefully I can get the next one up before Christmas. Cross your fingers guys.) Thanks for reading. I appreciate the support. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year too!


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